I love bowing. Well, let me back up the context bullet train a bit… I love Japan. Like, I really love Japan. I’ve spent time in Tokyo and Kyoto and haven’t stopped thinking about them since. Japan is just the craziest, most exciting, hospitable, thrilling, magical place I’ve ever visited. It’s probably why I love watching Tokyo Vice (on MAX) and Shogun (Hulu and FX) so much. If your show or movie features Japan, I’m in! But not if monsters destroy it. That’s just too sad for me to watch. Can’t the monsters just hang out and enjoy the city, not destroying the buildings?
These two shows have reminded me how much I love Japan and how much I love bowing. If you’re new to Earth, bowing is when a person bends at the waist while standing, arms to their sides, eyes downward, in a display of respect, gratitude, salutation, apology, and even social status. It’s a huge part of Japanese culture and I have always thought we should do it in America. Seriously! So, let’s check out some of the advantages to bringing bowing into American life.
1 Chris Rock Wouldn’t Have Gotten Slapped If He Bowed
At the Oscars when Will Smith charged the stage – filled with rage from his wife possibly dating other men and/or that he did the film “After Earth” – if host Chris Rock had suddenly bowed in the name of Japanese etiquette, Will Smith would’ve never landed that slap. He would’ve swung over Chris Rock’s head, offsetting his balance, and possibly sending him to the floor. After an embarrassing move like that, nobody is maintaining the confidence to finish what they started. Will would’ve gotten back on his feet, the audience would’ve awkwardly laughed, categorizing it as a failed comedy bit, and Chris would have tossed to the next segment. America would’ve been much better off with that conclusion.
2 It’s Good for Your Lower Back
If you’ve ever pulled something in your lower back, you know the excruciating pain that comes with bending forward. Your lower back engages as it hangs over the waist, but the force of gravity still brings the pain. So, when your back is healthy, why not strengthen it in preparation for those aching days? It’s like when you’re sober, why not stock up on Liquid IV, hide your car and/or scooter, delete your exes’ socials and numbers, call ahead to every karaoke bar, and make them promise to forbid you to sing? It’s all about preparation for the storm!
Holding a bow every day will certainly strengthen your core and lower back muscles. Do I know this for a fact? Absolutely not. I majored in English and the closest thing I’ve ever held to a medical degree was the pilot script for Nurse Jackie. But listen, doesn’t it seem like I’m correct? If not, please accept my deepest apologies… (Michael performs a long bow – not to be attempted by amateurs.)
3 It Leads to a Proud Mother
Look, I hate to be the one to tell you this but people around the neighborhood are starting to refer to you as “dopey” and “lazy.” Your poor mother is struggling to defend the fact that her adult child still lives at home. Plus, the fact that you don’t even help with the yard work is really turning the community against you.
So, why not start bowing? Think about it… Bowing will show everyone that you’re capable of identifying something you want to try, researching it, understanding it, practicing it, and then putting it into action. Everyone will immediately see you as a capable contributor to society or someone who is suffering from mental illness. Either way, it’s a big win because they will bow down and back off!
Bonus: Bowing is a practice from a foreign land; therefore, your neighbors will probably assume you’re well-traveled and that will excite them, greatly. They’ll remember Steve Jobs started Apple out of his parent’s garage and they’ll also remember that he traveled to India to find inspiration at some point. So, in their minds, they’ll start to put you in the same arena as Steve Jobs. After just about a week of bowing, they’ll start to see you as a future billionaire entrepreneur who is crashing at home with mom while inventing the next big thing! See how we turned that around? Now, Mom is so proud of you! You’re welcome.
4 How on Earth Can You Fight Over Politics After Bowing?
Try it. Next time you’re debating politics with someone, request that you start things off by bowing to each other in a display of great respect. After such an exchange of high regard, how could you logically or emotionally justify a shouting match about things like Fani Willis, Jewish Space Lasers, and/or pizza? You cannot! Especially knowing that another bow is coming at the end of the conversation. So, don’t stand there fully erect and tell me that “bow bookending” your debates wouldn’t bring much-needed civility to political discourse. Plus, we all know it’s impossible to win a political debate, so why not feel the sweet nectar of victory by holding your bow longer than your opponent?
5 You’re Pretty Much a Certified Yoga Instructor at This Point
Warrior poses, downward facing dog, and now bowing. Doesn’t bowing feel like it could fit nicely into your vinyasa flow? Sure, some angry critics will blast the notion by saying it isn’t as sophisticated or engaging as the other yoga poses. But how dare you stand there in your obscenely tight yoga pants and tell me that bowing isn’t more engaging than the pose done at the end of most yoga classes, Savasana. You know how I know it isn’t? Because I fall asleep every single time I do it. Do you know why I fall asleep? Because I’m doing NOTHING.
That’s why I strongly feel if you’re constantly bowing for 365 days a year, you can pretty much honestly look someone in the eyes and say:
“Well, yes, I perform yoga every single day. I could easily teach a class. No problem. So… I have years of experience. Yep. Quite the pro. That’s me. Anyway, am I hired?”
Thank you so much for reading! I really appreciate it! And if you liked what you just read, go ahead and share it!
Also, don’t forget to sign-up for my newsletter to get notified when I post new stuff! 😃